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bye! [25 Feb 2007|12:21pm]
[ mood | excited ]

i'll be in florida till next saturday!!!


call me?

~criticization time~

[20 Feb 2007|04:33pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I hate that:

- i'm an inconvience to others a lot... and i'm sorry for that
- i can't tell how others feel... about certain things
- i get so stressed that i feel sick
- i let myself get stressed by always putting things off
- i get so stressed that i can't bring myself to start the things that i put off
- i didn't interview james for my sign language class.. and now i feel like an ass, since my brother started telling me things, and i realized how easy it would have been to go sit there and "talk" with him
- i keep wanting to talk to him
- and *him*... not so much lately
- i stress about being an inconvience.
- people always ask me what i'm doing with my life. leave me alone.. lol... i don't even know.
- i still have half a semester left before summer
- i havent applied anywhere yet
- i'm writing this instead of working on my presentation tomorrow
- i'm so upset about this interview that i almost started crying earlier... it's not like he's going to be upset that i didn't interview him..

k. i'm done complaining. sorry lol. i just had to get some of that out. and somewhere other than myspace... since less people are on lj

2 critics| ~criticization time~

[15 Feb 2007|12:17am]
[ mood | tired ]


i'm such a stubborn ass.

i mean, he obviously made the initiative... and that wasn't enough for me lol.

then again. i wanted to. then i didnt. then i did. but i didnt. hahahah.

don't ask.

i have to get up for class in less than 8 hours.

this sucks lol

~criticization time~

[05 Feb 2007|12:08am]
[ mood | excited ]


yes. that is all i have to say lol.

and that my hands are so cold that it is actually really hard to type... i wasn't even outside more than a minute.


~criticization time~

[04 Feb 2007|06:57pm]
this week is going to suck.

-Class/Quiz 1-4
-Work 6-11

-Class 6-9

-Class 1-4
-Work 6-11

-Class 9:30-12:30
-Work 6-11

-Work 6-12

-Work 5:30-11:30

I probably posted this to remind myself when I work lol.
~criticization time~

hm. [23 Jan 2007|11:21pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Hello, friends!

Well, it has been a while since I last updated. I figure no one really reads livejournal anymore lol. I usually just update my myspace blog, and surprisingly people actually read that.

I've been doing some thinking, and I have decided that I am: lame, indecisive and impossible.

I don't know why I'm not in a relationship, or why I seem to not let myself get into relationships. I think I have a couple guys that like me and would probably go out with me, but for some reason I just sit back and do nothing lol. Well, with one of the guys I don't want to just be like "I like you!" (since I'm not sure I even do) and start something up with him, because I have this little problem of thinking I like people, and shortly after I realize I don't like them. Or maybe I did like them, but I get scared. Or maybe I didn't like them to begin with, but I just like the attention. Or maybe I did, in fact, like them and then stopped liking them. No, that makes no sense.

Ugh. Then there's the whole dating issue. I don't know why I don't just date people. It's like this. I think about a guy that likes me or wants to go on a date or something, and I think "I can't picture myself with that person or marrying that person or kissing that person." But how stupid is that!? Most people go on dates to get to know people and realize if they have chemistry or not. But then I feel stupid, like I'm leading someone on by dating them. Like, what if they get attached and like me a lot, and I have to break it to them and tell them I don't feel that way. Well, by that time I had already made them feel as if I did like them.

So what's the limit? How many dates can you go on with a person before they think you are "dating," and not "dating" isn't like breaking up?

And why the hell am I writing this lol. I pretty much drifted from the whole " I hate dating and can never get into a relationship for some unknown reason"...subject.

And why do I still think of him.

With all that pointless waste of everyone's time, I think I should go write my one page play for that class.... maybe I should just make it a monologue and turn this piece of crap in hahaha.


~criticization time~

So! [21 Dec 2006|12:50am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So continuing.

Sunday I pretended to study for my final. Then Monday (I typed Saturday, but Monday definitely comes after Sunday) I took my last final, and then Liz and I hung out! We went to her dad's house to get some food and some clothes of hers. Then we went ice skating with Rachel. What did we do after OH! We watched the best episode of Days EVER! Haha. It was awesome. Then we hung out and I went to work. Then after work we hung out again and tried to watch clue, but we were falling asleep. Mmm. We ate chip dip. Then Tuesday... Well I was going to maybe go see The Holiday with some work people, but we didn't go... then I was going to go eat with someone, but we didn't... so Tracy and I went to Great Lakes Crossing! I didn't buy ONE thing! How weird, right? Then we came home, and John called me to watch the Rocky Balboa screening with him and some people, but I REALLY didn't want to see that movie... Then I called Steph and her, Sarah, Nikki and I all hung out from like 10-2am. We basically drove around that whole time... It was pretty fun! We laughed reallllly hard a lot. And took some pictures at a gazebo hahaa. Good times were had. Most definitely. As for today... I woke up, went to work at 1... got off an hour early at 8, amd then Liz and I went to see The Holiday (after I got free ice cream from Cold Stone- YAY.) BEST. MOVIE. EVER! Seriously. I'm glad I finally saw it. It was so well written and acted and put together and ahhhh. Loved it.

That movie was basically about me (and Liz.)
-I am NOT the leading lady in my own life; I am the best friend.
-I am in love with someone that probably never has loved me and probably never will.
-When that person needs attention- he comes to me, because I willingly give him that attention, and I fall for act every time.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to fall in love to fall out of love.

~criticization time~

family shamily [17 Dec 2006|03:08pm]
[ mood | i have no idea lol ]

I figure I will post this here, since no one reads livejournal anymore.

Warning: this could get deep and meaningful, so read at your own risk of hearing genuine, true feeling.

So break has been pretty fun so far, even though I'm not technically on break till after my final Monday morning. Thursday Tracy and I went to the mall to go gift shopping. I spent way too much money and got suckered into something for myself, as did Tracy. SOOOo funny though. I'm pretty excited to ang it up, but I have to wait till my mom opens hers. Thursday night I hung out with Liz, and we went on a hunt for dessert. It was unsuccessful, so we ended up getting food from bamboo at 10:00 at night. It was great though lol. We walked into Famous Daves, looked at the menu and left. Then we walked into Olive Garden, sat down, looked at the menu and relized it sucked, so we left there too. I guess it was more funny if you were us walking out of places like that. Then we went hot tubbing and watched some TV. It was a good start to my "break." Then Friday Lyndsay came over, and we hung out and watched some TV and took some pictures. Then we went to see The Pursuit of Happyness. It was really cute. Sad, but cute nonetheless. Then I worked. Work was fun. Then Corey and I went to White Castle and such. Then Saturday I did nothing until work at 6. Work was really funny though. I was in a good mood, so everything was good! Some funny things were being said while we were doing closing chores hahaha. Actually, closing was just really way too much fun and wayyy too funny.

Actually, typing that cheered me up. I was going to write about how much family makes me want to cry, but I think I fixate on the bad too much. I'm just sick of my mom choosing Greg over me. He can be such an asshole, yet I am always the asshole in her eyes. I wish she wasn't so damn blinded by him. And if I were to say anything-- or have a serious talk with her-- it would do me no good, because she would just yell at me for being a bitch to her. It just hurts sometimes. Even the littlest things do. Like earlier today my grandpa brought over a bunch of blintzes, and we were talking about breakfast, so I suggested that. But she said "Well, Greg doesn't like blintzes." But do you have any idea how many times they make things that I don't like, just not caring that I don't like it? God forbid you make one damn thing he doesn't like. God, I want to cry so badly right now, but it's Chanukkah, and if I cry, it'll be a big cry. I'm never happy when I'm home anymore. Oh well. That's life. People are unahppy all the time. And people have it so much worse than I do. Don't you feel shitty complaining about things like that? When people are living on the streets, trying to find a way to make it... and we complain about our boy problems or our friends or family? I mean, I know we all deserve to be happy, but sometimes it feels stupid to be upset about the one or two bad things in our lives when we have so much going on for us. Well. That's all I have to say for now.

That turned out differently than I had expected lol. <3

1 critic| ~criticization time~

[06 Dec 2006|10:54pm]
[ mood | sick ]

this is for sarah!! hahah.

pinkhearts113: what a birch.
I AIM T0 TEASE: for real
I AIM T0 TEASE: if she was a tree... that would be her tree
pinkhearts113: hahahahaha
I AIM T0 TEASE: you'd be an oak
I AIM T0 TEASE: cuz ure oak-k in my book
pinkhearts113: hahahahah
pinkhearts113: lol
I AIM T0 TEASE: yeah lol
I AIM T0 TEASE: ooo i couldve been like 'you'd be a pine... cuz damn girlll you be piiiine'
pinkhearts113: hahahahahaha
pinkhearts113: omg
I AIM T0 TEASE: i wish u could hear how that sounded lol
pinkhearts113: erin im laughing so hard right now
pinkhearts113: lol
I AIM T0 TEASE: hahah aww wyayy
I AIM T0 TEASE: im all out of trees lol
pinkhearts113: lol
pinkhearts113: me too
I AIM T0 TEASE: maple... i got nothin
pinkhearts113: lol
pinkhearts113: teachers are apple trees

I AIM T0 TEASE: and horny rednecks are redwood trees...
pinkhearts113: hahahahahahahahahah
I AIM T0 TEASE: i want to save this convo lol
pinkhearts113: me too!
pinkhearts113: lol
pinkhearts113: post in in your lj
I AIM T0 TEASE: haha okay

~criticization time~

;-) [06 Dec 2006|01:28am]
[ mood | bored ]

things i feel like sharing, since i'm not tired.

1. the bottom of my feet are very soft!
2. pirates 2 wasn't even that good, but when mike showed me that he bought it i got REALLY excited.
3. i really miss liz
4. i can't WAIT for winter break... i'm excited to just party hard. cuz i'm going to.
5. today i told my boss that i don't like when people listen to me pee.... it wasn't my fault... he shouldn't have been listening lol it was funny to see him get slightly uncomfortable though!
6. i want to cuddle... and watch movies at night... play in the snow... play in the snow with a boy when it's snowing outside at night and it's cute when you look up and see the snow falling... haha.
7. i'm a hopeless romantic for sure.
8. or just hopeless hahaah

9. i forgot that i was going to make a pp& j sandwhich like holly suggested. i have the worst memory ever lol
10. i wish everyone came with an instruction guide lol

k. that's all i have for you. it's about 12:30, so i guess i'll lay in bed and fall asleep to the sound of my own racing thoughts!

i wonder if anyone read this haha


1 critic| ~criticization time~

[28 Nov 2006|11:29pm]
I figure since you are all my friends, I can just let you know here that I have a new sn!


the "o" is a zero actually, so yeah lol.

Well, IM me and add me!! I guess I have come to grips with the fact that Insanelyhott1 isn't going to work again, and I'm really sick of Hypergrl... cuz I made it in like 7th grade.

Alright. Well.

p.s. incase you didn't get it, it's a play on 'i aim to please' ... get it? yeah lol.
1 critic| ~criticization time~

[28 Nov 2006|07:34pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

so. here's what's on my mind.

i miss him, and i wish i didn't.

i burned my tongue on hot chocolate today.

i have about 3-5 hours of summarizing, 1 hour of key terms to define, 1 hour of certain sections, 1 hour of notes, 1 hour of project work.... and then i have to study for a vocab quiz and prepare a 3 minute debate... and here i am. too tired to work.

i think i try to solve my problems sometimes by creating more problems. or at least i did yesterday.

i want to go on a mini trip either winter break, "spring break" aka mid-winter break, or summer i guess. anyone want to go somewhere?

i want to have a life again... actually, i never really had a life lol... i pretty much didnt go out with people on purpose.

oh well, i'll end on a happier note.

or a sicker note, i guess hahaha

theres this weird girl in my art history class, and today jake saw her grab her own boob and then rub it with her thumb.... yeah, that's gross.

maybe i'll call liz back... that'll make me happy yayyy. k. later!

~criticization time~

[21 Nov 2006|12:06am]
yeah, yeah, i stole it from liz and toshy... i'm a follower i guess ;-) actually, i just really want to answer for liz haha.

1. comment with your name and i'll write something i like about you.
2. and what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
3. if i were to apply an o’clock to you, i’ll tell you what it would be.
4. i will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. i’ll tell you the most memorable moment i’ve had with you.
6. i will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. and i'll tell you something that i’ve always wondered about you.
8. then you will put this in your journal.
2 critics| ~criticization time~

[15 Nov 2006|09:28pm]
i'm convinced that greg tries to get my mom to hate me....

and i fucking hate him right now

and shes a bitch

i hate my family.

all i want to do is go to bed and cry myself to sleep, but tracy is over. i'm not leaving my room though.

sorry. i'm just really in a bad mood. duh.
3 critics| ~criticization time~

[05 Nov 2006|05:53pm]
i made this so that i could put pics on (without making a huge, long entry that everyone would hate me for) haha. so here!

~criticization time~

[17 Oct 2006|10:34am]
[ mood | nothing? ]

Okay! Here goes me being bored!

I'm at school, in the IIC.

Things I feel like sharing:

It is raining like crazy here.

Yesterday I (and I guess a whole lot of people) lost power. It was really rather annoying! I was in the middle of typing up notes for my Bio class (cuz I have to work tonight, and I didn't want to do it then) and the power just went off. Then it came back about 1 minute later. Then went off. This happened for the next hour. But the stupid part of it was that it would go off and come back on like 5 seconds later... I finally went to bed and gave up lol.

Um... I work today. And I I'm excited. And I hope I work with a certain person. God, what is wrong with me? I wish I at least knew why I was so strangely attracted to him. It's just really really weird...

Let's see. I have government. I don't want to go.

Oh yeah, I was supposed to study for my Art History test I have after I finished printing my paper. Whoops. I can always study in governenment and during my lunch break.

SO!! I miss you guys. And I love work. I do hate closing at work though. It's just tedious work. I haven't used that word since like 8th grade or something lol. It looks wrong..?

I have to walk outside in the rain to get to my next class. This sucks.

Well, see you all later!!

~criticization time~

[04 Oct 2006|09:46pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I don't think I would have cared if it was anyone but him that said it haha. But sometimes I really just hate him.

This is from my away message. God love copy and paste. ;-)

"What the fuck?

Greg was talking about dinner and then all of a sudden he stopped talking and looked at me and said '..Are you like getting fat? I think you're getting fat!' I just looked at him like excussse me? And then he was like 'Or are your pants just... are they like.. twice as big? I can say that because you've always been little.' (or something like that)

Who the fuck are you? That just supports my asshole theory of the day. Today was really just a bad day... then I get called fat...?

He just comes in here 'I said that kiddingly by the way.' If you are going to say something like that and take it back, just say you are sorry, don't lie and say you were kidding. Just makes you look like more of a dickhead."

Then when I came back from dinner Eric IMed me and said "haha chubby" and I just started to laugh hahah.

Anyway! Can't wait till they are done watching House so that I can watch ANTM and LOST!! EEE!!


Job interview tomorrowwwww!!!

~criticization time~

[04 Oct 2006|03:07am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

why does it say the date is the 4th? it's clearly the 3rd..?

anyway! so last night i had a dream that i was going out with the guy that i kind of liked in my class, and it was really cute... then i went to class thinking i was going to end up liking him a lot, cuz that's always what happens after i have dreams like that. so i went, and i decided that he's just a cool guy that i want to be friends with... or an acquaintance haha. so that's kind of sad. haha.

i think i've developed some sort of psychological block when it comes to relationships or something. like i think a guy is cute... or i like a guy... then i distance myself, or i think to myself "i don't really like that guy..!" aw, that's kind of sad for me lol

sometimes i fear i will never be able to have a real relationship cuz i find flaws automatically. and all those other things i do.

well, i'm tired. ew. i don't want to go to Bio tomorrow. or Photo. i like how i capitalize my classes, but nothing else lol. k


~criticization time~

[28 Sep 2006|10:26pm]
[ mood | tired ]

It has been so long since I've actually talked to him on the phone. So that was weird. The call was about three minutes, but that was good probably haha. "Okay, I'm going to play this song for you, then I'm going to hang up, because I've been summoned to have a video game challenge. I'll say bye, but I'm not really in a talking kind of mood." ...you're the one who called me lol. I didn't ask you to call me. It was an entertaining call nonetheless lol.

Annnd this other guy is just reallly attractive. I said to myself the other day (before I went to class Tuesday)"I hope he doesn't show up today..." Then he showed up and he looked ever better than what I rememebered hahaha. I like hot guys. Who doesn't!? I wish I had to pick for all you girls haha. Too bad he smokes. At least he only smokes ciggs, unlike other hes.

Sometimes I think I like being alone too much. Alone in every sense. Home alone watching a movie... home alone singing... alone in my room when everyone else is home... with no boyfriend...

I really just don't mind it lol. Do I prefer it...? I guess I wouldn't really know, now would I? hahaha.


Time for some writing and a movie.

1 critic| ~criticization time~

[24 Sep 2006|11:32pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Alright. I can write this journal today, since I'm done crying hysterically like all day yesterday.

So Stasha has been a part of my family since I was about...1? She took care of my grandma when she had a stroke. When my grandma died, I was 5, she stayed and took care of my grandpa. So she has been a part of our family for almost 19 years.

Yesterday my mom randomly said to me (while I was studying or watching TV) "Stasha is going back to Poland, and it's probably for good." So of course I start to cry, and I left the room, cuz I hate when people see me cry. Then I took a shower and got ready to go to my haircut. Then I started crying HYSTERICALLY while my mom went back in the house to get something. My eyes were all red, and it was just awful. It was Rosh Hashanah dinner yesterday, so we had a semi-large dinner planned. We celebrated my grandpa's and Tracy's birthdays. Then we celebrated the New Year. Thennn my mom (while toasting to Tracy and Totty and all that) says how we are also toasting to Stasha, cuz she is leaving us. So then we all start to cry a little. Then later Mike had to go to work, so he said bye to Stasha, and my grandpa turned to me and said "She's really going to miss you guys..." (me and mike) so I just started to cry. THEN there was the goodbye itself. I pretty much have a way of making everyone cry lol. I don't mean to, but I cry so easily that everyone just kind of feeds off my tears or something lol. So I started to bawl, then Stasha did, and my grandpa said that she told me not to cry (she understands english, but barely speaks any.) I can't think of the last time I cried that hard. She is just like a grandma to me. I mean, I barely got to know my Bubby Annie before she died... and Stasha was always there. So I told her how much I love her, and later she was talking and my grandpa said "She loves you too." and ahhhhhhhh. It just sucks a lot.

It got me thinking. I can't tell if its worse to have someone die or to have someone just be so far away, and you not be able to talk or see them ever again. It's like a restraining order, I guess. If you think about... if you were stalking someone, wouldn't it be easier if they died, rather you just not be able to see them but know they are somewhere else and you just aren't allowed to see them.

I guess that really doesn't make sense, cuz it's not the same thing, and of course it's better to have the person alive... duh. But it just doesn't seem fair to not be able to see someone ever again.......

Shit, I need to get to bed. I'm going to fail that test tomorrow. And then the one the day after that (cuz I will be so freaking tired all day tomorrow lol.) Hmm. Okay. Much love. Sorry to bore you all. I just had to get it out.

1 critic| ~criticization time~

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